


And I See Him Come To Get Me (he’s come to get me)

by scooter3scooter



Category: Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Alive Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Dear Evan Hansen References, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Evan Hansen Has Anxiety, Fainting, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Heidi Hansen Tries, Holding Hands, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Evan Hansen, Passing Out, Soft Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Tree Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scooter3scooter/pseuds/scooter3scooter
Summary: Just three minutes left on the oven until our frozen dinners were done, I had to lean against the kitchen counter while my vision began to darken. Shit, shit, not now. Not with Connor here. Everything began to close in, the darkness, the dizziness, everything. Holding as much of my weight against the counter that I could, I desperately tried to keep my balance.Even if I tried to, I wouldn’t have been able to see Connor even if I looked up, “you okay, Ev?” I would have nodded if I my head did not feel like it was going to fall off my shoulders. This can’t happen now, not with him here. I need to keep standing, I can’t sit down. He’ll know something’s wrong, I can’t burden him even more.I tried to move my hand towards the cabinet next to me, but my movements were seconds behind my thoughts. Sluggishly opening the door, I grabbed a glass from inside, mumbling something like, “I need water.” I remember grabbing the green glass, I remember it’s coolness against my too warm skin, but then everything’s dark.—Or Connor watches Evan pass out
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Everyone, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Original Character(s), Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Tree bros - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	And I See Him Come To Get Me (he’s come to get me)

**Author's Note:**

> Tw for passing out and hospital visit

Just three minutes left on the oven until our frozen dinners were done, I had to lean against the kitchen counter while my vision began to darken.  _ Shit, shit, not now. Not with Connor here.  _ Everything began to close in, the darkness, the dizziness, everything. Holding as much of my weight against the counter that I could, I desperately tried to keep my balance. 

Even if I tried to, I wouldn’t have been able to see Connor even if I looked up, “you okay, Ev?” I would have nodded if I my head did not feel like it was going to fall off my shoulders.  _ This can’t happen now, not with him here. I need to keep standing, I can’t sit down. He’ll know something’s wrong, I can’t burden him even more.  _

I tried to move my hand towards the cabinet next to me, but my movements were seconds behind my thoughts. Sluggishly opening the door, I grabbed a glass from inside, mumbling something like, “I need water.” I remember grabbing the green glass, I remember it’s coolness against my too warm skin, but then everything’s dark.

I did not have to open my eyes, for they were not closed, but looking around at my blurred surroundings absolutely nothing made sense.  _ Why am I on the floor? Why is everything so out of focus, this doesn’t make sense? Did I fall asleep here? I’ve fallen asleep on the floor before, but not in the kitchen. Was that all a dream? Making dinner with Connor? It doesn’t feel real, but neither does this.  _

_ This is a weird dream. _

Some part of me heard Connor speaking as he leaned above me, but I couldn’t make sense of any of it.  _ This doesn’t make sense, if this is a dream why aren’t I waking up? Why won’t Connor stop talking?  _ I finally looked at him, he stood leaning over me breathing way too hard, yet he wouldn’t stop talking. I tried to focus on his words but it was too much, too fast, too everything. 

Before I could think of it, I started blubbering, “what happened?” And even when he tried to explain, I asked again, “what happened?” My boyfriend was running his fingers through my hair even though my head hurt. 

“You fell, Ev,” his words finally came through the fog  _ but that doesn’t make sense.  _ “You were getting a glass and you dropped it and fell straight backwards and hit your head on the floor.”  _ No, that’s not right. I had time, I wasn’t supposed to pass out yet. I was supposed to get water and then I’d be okay and Connor wouldn’t know anything was wrong.  _ “I’m gonna call 911, okay? You’re gonna be okay,” he told me, a phone appearing in his hand seemingly out of nowhere. 

_ No, no, don’t do that. Don’t call 911, I’m okay. I’m fine, I don’t need help. I’m fine.  _ But I couldn’t get those words out. 

He must have been on hold, because he mumbled something about checking for blood and started feeling around my head, successfully making my head hurt more. When the person on the other side of the call finally picked up he started repeating everything he told me on what happened. His volume was up way too loud because I could hear what the operator was saying, she told him to move me on my side but I shifted myself before Connor could. Then she said something about saying when I take a breath so I purposely started exaggerating my breaths. With each long exhale Connor told the lady “now” and after more than a few breaths she said the paramedics are on their way. 

The lady asked if my boyfriend wanted her to stay on the line but he replied, “I’ve got it from here,” and as if on cue we could hear sirens in the distance.  _ Sirens coming for me.  _ Hanging up on the operator, he put his full attention back on me. One hand on my arm soothingly rubbing up and down, other hand running through the hair on the top of my head, careful not to go near where I suppose I hit my head. “You’re gonna be okay, I won’t leave you for a second.”

_ No, I don’t need paramedics. I’m okay, just let me get up and I’ll be fine. _

I managed to get out the question, “how long was I out?” To which Connor replied about thirty seconds.  _ Are you serious? This isn’t a big deal, I’m okay. Tell the paramedics to go away, it’s not like I have a concussion. I couldn’t have hit my head that hard.  _ Though the paramedics still showed up seemingly instantly after. Two large men barged into the kitchen  _ and was the front door unlocked this whole time?  _ They did not hesitate to start spewing questions off at Connor and I’m not sure if my stomach felt so weird because of the guilt for my boyfriend or my anxiety of the strangers here.

One man placed down a large machine on the ground that I did not know what it was, while the other man told me, “I’m just going to prick your finger real quick,” and immediately there was pain _and_ _why was that necessary?_ While I was distracted with the hurt in my finger and the overly tight bandaid he was putting around it, the first paramedic placed a blood pressure cuff around my arm. The machine flickered to life, lines moving up and down and I didn’t care enough to try to understand what it all meant. 

Once the cuff stopped squeezing the life out of my arm, the men decided I could start to sit up, only for him to take my blood pressure again. And again once I was sitting up fully, and again once they helped me stand,  _ even though I can stand on my own thank you very much. I know they’re just trying to do their job but I’m fine, I don’t need help.  _ They let me take a few generous steps before taking my blood pressure yet again.

The paramedic who had hurt my finger turned to Connor, “are you his brother?” Only for Connor to puff up his chest protectively.

“I’m his boyfriend,” he told him. _ This is really not the time to piss him off, not when he’s already so stressed.  _ The paramedic did not even seem phased, asking about my legal guardian. “She’s working, I’ll call her. She works at the hospital, if you take him there she’ll already be working there.”  _ He says that as if she’ll actually pick up the phone.  _

The paramedic still did not seem phased in any way, as if this is all routine.  _ Maybe it is.  _ “We can take him down in the ambulance to the ER to get checked out and-” my boyfriend did not let him finish.

“Can I go with in the ambulance? He’s a minor,” the sheer amount of protectiveness in his voice was more than I ever would have expected.  _ He really is so much better than I deserve.  _ Though the paramedic just cooly told him he can’t as he’s not a family member and likely a minor too. “You can’t just make him go alone.” 

_ Please don’t make me go alone. I can’t go to the ambulance, let alone the hospital alone. Even if I wasn’t an anxious mess I still don’t know if I can answer all the questions they may have. I don’t know shit about insurance. Not like Connor would have any more of an idea than me, but at least I wouldn’t be alone…  _

_ Please don’t make me be alone. _

After much arguing they decided Connor could meet me at the hospital and stay with me until he could get ahold of my mom. But in the ambulance I’ll be alone… I should have never expected anything more. 

Each paramedic grabbed one of my arms to help walk me towards the front door and outside. Walking out, the blaring lights of the ambulance and other vehicles I didn’t care to recognize cut through the darkness. There were several other men waiting outside  _ and maybe it was good they were holding my arms otherwise my knees may have given out seeing so many strangers.  _

There was a gourney waiting for me, and they helped me up even though the ambulance was only at the end of the driveway. I guess it helped save my feet as I was barefoot. Looking around while they wheeled me to the vehicle, a bunch of my neighbors were all outside watching this and  _ god now everyone knows. I can’t pretend this didn’t happen now.  _

The paramedics followed me into the ambulance, one of them speaking while they both started sticking stickers to me, “I’m Cody, I’ll stay with you on the ride,” he finally introduced himself but I didn’t have it in me to respond, too busy watching them touch me, “we’re just going to put some stickers on you.”  _ But why?  _ “Once they were satisfied with the amount on me, they reached over and grabbed something else, “just in case, I’ll put you in a neck brace.”

There wasn’t enough time to even try to argue as Cody placed a stiff neck brace around me, taking away any chance of breathing normally.  _ I didn’t even hit my neck, it doesn’t hurt, why do I need a brace?  _ I didn’t have it in me to protest though, physically or emotionally. 

The paramedic not named Cody left while Cody stayed in back with me as promised. “I’m gonna sit behind you so I can buckle in too, okay?” I merely hummed a response, trying to take everything in. Looking around the vehicle there were more medical supplies than I would have ever imagined. Even just looking down at myself everything was just so overboard. They had at least five straps buckling me in and way too many stickers to me for some unknown reason. 

_ This is too much. I just bumped my head, there’s no reason to make such a big deal. I’m fine, I can walk on my own, I can sit without my head in a brace just fine. It’s not like I’ll pass out again, I’m okay! _

Soon we were off. Y’know, I would have thought it would be a nice smooth ride in case I actually was severely injured. I would have been dead wrong. Even with so many seat belts strapping me in it was not enough to keep my body from shifting with each movement of the car. With the neck brace on I had no control over my head, making it jiggle like a bobble head.  _ Well if I didn’t have neck pain before I sure do now. _

Despite my clear discomfort, every time Cody asked if I was okay, which was every few minutes, I always said I was. All I could do was stare out the back window and watch all the cars we passed.  _ Connors' car isn’t following… maybe he just got left behind since we are driving so fast. But Connor doesn’t care about laws… maybe he just changed his mind about coming. I can’t blame him, after all.  _

After more than a couple minutes of awkward silence, Cody’s radio buzzed to life. I couldn’t make out everything the person on the other side was saying, but it was something about an old man, maybe seventy something, having cardiac arrest. All Cody said was “oh,” but he did not reply to the radio.

_ There’s another man out there who actually needs help, and Cody and the other paramedics are wasting their time with me. I’m not worth it, what if the other paramedics don’t get to the man on time, isn’t that my fault?  _

_ I don’t need to be in here, and even if I did I’m still not worth it. I’m not worth the time or- oh god the money! We don’t have the money for this and I’m wasting it all even though I’m fine! I felt it, I knew I was going to pass out and I still pushed myself all because I didn’t want Connor to know something was wrong. If I just fucking sat down then everything would be okay, Connor and I would be eating our shitty dinners and having a nice night. I ruined it and now I might have ruined that poor old man's life.  _

_ Cody could be out there saving that old guy and instead he’s wasting his night helping me, even though I don’t deserve it.  _

I was only momentarily pulled from my thoughts when a disposable glove fell from the container above the door, only for Cody to say, “oh,” but make no move to pick it up.  _ That seems to be his response to everything.  _

Before I could lose myself in though again, we passed the sign for the hospital.  _ For my mom's hospital.  _ Pulling into the parking lot I had to grip the seatbelt so hard my knuckles turned white to keep my hands from trembling. When we finally stopped outside the door to the children’s section, Cody did not hesitate to open the doors and begin wheeling me out of the ambulance. A bald man I did not recognize was waiting for us, assisting my paramedic in wheeling me inside. After a surprisingly bumpy beginning of the ride, we entered the hospital.

Coming into the building a man at a desk was singing quite loudly, as if this wasn’t a terrifying place. Still gripping the belts strapping me down, I cast my eyes down. After passing a fish tank and several childish decorations  _ and god I’m almost eighteen why can’t I be in the adult section?  _ Finally they wheeled me into a small room with a monitor and a bed inside. 

There was a nurse already standing there waiting for me. The paramedics wheeled me next to the bed, one of them asking, “do you think you can scooch yourself onto the bed?” 

_ I’m not a baby, of course I can.  _ “Yeah,” I mumbled, already shifting onto the bed only to land on what felt like a hard plastic sheet.  _ How the hell can anyone get comfortable when this is literally as hard as a rock? _

The nurse turned to Cody and the bald man, “what are you guys still doing here? I know how to do my job,” she sounded like she could have been joking but the paramedics still left after mumbling something about trying to help. Once they left another two nurses entered,  _ is it bad how nerve wracking it is that they’re all women?  _ As if only now seeing my discomfort the first nurse turned to me, “let’s get that board out from under you, yeah?”  _ Why is there even a board here in the first place? _

With that a nurse came on each side of me, helping me shift to the very edge of the bed while they pulled the board out. With the cruel thing away I finally was able to sink into the bed best I could with the stupid neck brace still on me. 

Not even wasting a second, one of them said she needed to check my neck and started poking and prodding different parts of my head and neck. After asking if it hurt after each press of her fingers, she decided I don’t need the neck brace anymore when all that hurt was the back of my head where I hit it.  _ Finally.  _

I did not get even a second of relief though, as they said I needed to put a gown on. One nurse closed the curtains to the room, since the doors were glass, while one held a sheet over me so I could take off my clothes with a sense of privacy. Pulling off my shirt I slipped my arms through the gown sleeve openings, but then we faced a problem.  _ How am I supposed to take off my pants with all these women watching me? Why can’t they just leave the room for a minute, nothing will happen to me in just a few seconds.  _

“Just try to take them off while on the bed, okay?” The nurse told me kindly, as if physically taking off my pants was the dilemma. When I finally gripped my waistband, ready to bite the bullet, is when Connor entered the room. I’m not sure if there was more embarrassment or relief to see him, either way the emotions hit me like an ambulance.

My boyfriend did not even seem phased though, instead sitting in the chair next to the bed, placing a pair of my shoes on the chair next to him.  _ I didn’t even think to ask him to bring me shoes.  _ With one last glance at him, he seemed to understand my embarrassment because he pointedly looked away from my half naked body. Finally I was able to get my pants off while still sitting after an annoying amount of wiggling. 

As soon as the gown was on correctly, the nurse stuck several more stickers to my skin, even though I still had on all the ones from Cody.  _ I’ll just become completely covered in stickers by the end of this, I’ll never get all the adhesive off.  _ Then she clipped a glowing red… thingy, to my finger.  _ Are they gonna explain all this?  _ With that they actually left me be for a minute, instead looking at my vitals. 

_ This is never gonna end, is it? _

Far too soon, the nurse turned back to me, “we’re going to have you go to the bathroom and get a sample of your urine,” before I could even think about how uncomfortable that was, she turned to Connor, “can you go with him?”  _ Wait what? Why?  _ “In case he passes out again, we need someone in there with him to press the help button.”  _ Excuse me? I can’t have my  _ boyfriend  _ in the bathroom with me while I pee into a fucking cup! _

Connor nodded, as if that was such a normal thing to ask of someone’s  _ boyfriend _ , “yeah, of course.”  _ Why is everyone being so calm about this? This is like one of the most embarrassing things anyone could ever make me do. How will Connor ever look at me the same again? _

With that, the nurse helped me stand up, even though I can clearly do it on my own. Connor came over to my side, intertwining his fingers with mine.  _ Even after seeing me pass out like an idiot he still wants to hold my hand?  _ “How’d the ambulance ride go?” He asked as he walked me across the floor towards the bathroom. 

I shrugged, too distracted by the thought of going to the bathroom with me. “It was okay,” but by the time I responded we were in front of the restroom. “You don’t have to come in, ‘m okay,” I told him as confidently as I could, hoping it would be enough to convince him.

He gave my hand a squeeze, “I know this isn’t any fun, but I don’t want that scary nurse to yell at me for abandoning you,” and with that he sauntered into the bathroom, gingerly pulling me along with him.  _ No, he can’t just stand there and watch me pee, that’s beyond mortifying.  _ As if reading my thoughts, he assured me, “don’t worry I’ll face the door. Just let me know if you think you’ll faint,” though he started off almost teasingly, he ended up with his voice laced in concern.

_ It’s not right for Connor Murphy to sound so concerned and… vulnerable.  _

As promised, he turned to face the door and I did my business in the cup as quickly as I could.  _ This urine test better be worth it, if I’m not dying or anything then this is all just a load of pure shit.  _ Once my hands were washed, Connor took my hand right away and led me back to the hospital room. On the way there one of the lady’s at the desk called out, “you’re walking well.”  _ Is that bad? She sounded positive but if I’m walking well then doesn’t that mean I’m fine and I’ve wasted everyone’s time? I worried Connor for nothing… _

__ Sitting back in the bed, a nurse came in and hooked me back up to all the machines. “I need you to drink a Gatorade, okay?” She told me seriously, “if we can get you hydrated then you probably won’t need to get an IV.”  _ Oh god don’t make me get an IV.  _ With that she handed me the bottle and two packs of individually wrapped graham crackers and exited the room.

Taking a sip of the Gatorade, I leaned back in the bed, only to sit back up when pressing against the mattress hurt my head more. That is when Connor decided to speak up, “how are you feeling, Ev?” 

_ I am really starting to get sick of everyone asking that. _

“I’m okay, just my head still hurts,” I was quiet for a second before I questioned, “did you ever get a hold of my mom?” Though I knew the answer before he even told me.

He let out a sigh, “she didn’t pick up. I can go try to find her if you wa-”  _ I swear I didn’t mean to cut him off.  _

“No!” I tried to ignore the anxiety stealing my breath, “I don’t- it’s okay.”  _ Please don’t leave me.  _ “She’ll have to come eventually for insurance, maybe… maybe someone else can go find her,” I decided, hoping that would be enough to convince him to stay. He leaned forward, taking my hand again despite the glowing red thingy hooked onto my finger, a silent promise. Finally, he told me I should probably drink more Gatorade.

Taking another sip, I opened the pack of crackers. No matter what I need to hold them down, if I throw up they’ll think I have a concussion. It wasn’t until after I finished the bottle that a nurse named Andrea came in to take my temperature, check my blood pressure (which was lowered), and gave me another Gatorade. She said she would come back every hour to check on me and do the same routine.

After she left, I finally asked the burning question, “did you watch me pass out?” 

He nodded before he answered, “yeah I did. Your face was literally as white as a sheet,” I couldn’t help but look down at the white sheet covering me and comparing it to my skin color. “Your lips turned blue and they were quivering, I thought you were having a seizure.” I asked next what happened to the glass I had been holding. “Your hand dropped after you grabbed it, it hit the counter and you dropped the glass then. Shockingly, it didn’t break.”

I tried to process how frightening that must be, but all I managed to say was, “quality cup.” I shifted, I’m not sure if it was to face him better or so that I could lie back without putting any pressure on the back of my head. Even when I moved my neck still hurt from the fucking neck brace, no matter how I sit either my neck is angry or my head is. 

As promised, Andrea came back, kind voice talking me through the blood pressure and temperature routine. Though, after she left another woman came in. “The doctor decided you should get your blood drawn,” with a soft smile she came and prepped my arm. Though, her brow furrowed as she examined my arm further, “you have very tiny veins.”

_ Is that a bad thing? _

She mumbled something about my veins being too small before preparing them on my hand instead of my arm, “I know, the hand always hurts more but I don’t want to have to poke you twice if the arm doesn’t work,” she explained, her cold hands holding mine. With that she poked me in the hand and stole my blood like a vampire.  _ Fun. _

After that it was uneventful, me and Connor just talking and waiting for Andrew to come back to do her little routine, that is until Mom came. She entered like a whirlwind, frantically asking a million questions a second, checking me over herself. I just could not keep up, especially not when the tears started dripping down her cheeks as she apologized for not coming sooner. Thankfully Connor answered what he could but she wasn’t listening, she just held my hand and looked at me like I was that little helpless six year old again. 

We stayed like that until a woman I had not met before came and pulled her away to finish signing me in or whatever. She needed all the information I didn’t know like insurance and all that shit.  _ God, this is gonna break her bank account…  _

I guess there must have been a problem because she didn’t come back, I shouldn’t have expected her to. But Connor never left my side, not when the doctor came and told me my results. Not when the doctor said my urine and blood were mostly fine, that the only thing was that I have a calcium deficiency.  _ So pretty much this all happened because I don’t drink enough fucking milk, can I be any more of a pathetic idiot? _ But Connor didn’t leave. 

I guess one of the tests was an EKG because my heart was fine apparently. And once they knew I did not have a concussion, I assume because I didn’t throw up any of the disgusting crackers they gave me, they let me go. Hand in hand, Connor walked me out of the hospital. 

It was once we got in the car that I spoke up, “hey Conn…” I took a breath, “thank you for tonight. For like- y’know staying with me and being so… thank you for being here.” 

He looked at me so deeply he must have been able to see right into my heart, “absolutely, I love you, Ev, and I wasn’t about to leave you.” 

_ God, he's better than I could ever even hope for.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Well something similar to this fic happened to me a couple weeks ago so I thought it would be good to take advantage and write about it since I haven’t written for DEH in so long and this was easier to write about. I didn’t proofread though so,, sorry.   
> Thank you for reading :)


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